Speechless...

I had the privilege of speaking to a graduate nursing class today. I spoke about living with EDS and the challenges I have faced, including the events leading up to my diagnosis and the chaos that followed when I was diagnosed 3 years ago. I really enjoyed sharing my story and I hope I left an impression of some sort.

I was very impressed with the questions that the students asked. Some of them were questions I have heard before, while others were new and very interesting. They made me think a little deeper about myself and where EDS has taken me. I was told that my story is very inspiring and was asked if I have ever considered being a mentor to those who are recently/newly diagnosed. Fortunately I have this blog, which I believe is my version of mentoring right now. I do think that mentoring, and perhaps motivational speaking are possibilities down the road, but I just don't have the time at the moment. I have spent the last 3 years reconstructing my joints and fixing up my body in different ways so that I can go to nursing school and work. I wish I could say that I am fixed and that I don't need anymore surgeries, but that's not the case. I still have surgeries in the near future that I need in order to become more stable. However, with EDS the realization that there is no cure is always looming. While I am working with my surgeons and therapist to stabilize my body as best as possible, with no cure, I live knowing that there will always be more surgeries in my future. Perhaps we can go several years without any major problems. That is the goal and it would be a pretty great accomplishment. But I know that my life will never really get easier. More challenges will arise, in whatever form, and I will have to find a way to get through them.

Here is a slideshow documenting the past 3 years...

Obviously when talking about my life and story, gymnastics always comes up. I mean how could it not? I was a gymnast for nearly 12 years, trained to be an elite athlete, was fortunate enough to get a small taste of National Team level gymnastics with TOPs, and have memories that will be with me forever. However, it is still a topic that can leave me in tears. I don't know when or if I will ever be able to talk about losing gymnastics without all the emotions that follow. Maybe the emotions are what make the story and experiences so true and realistic. You don't realize how painful the loss is until you experience it first hand. To some, reading this may seem dramatic but I don't think I am being dramatic. I have always been emotional and gymnastics has always been a place where emotions run high for me. I was born with a natural talent. I was an athlete. I competed for years and got a glimpse of what it's like to be "normal." Then it was all taken away. EDS changed my life and forced me to change my identity. It's hard to put into words how devastating it is to lose your biggest passion. Gymnastics was who I am. I miss it more than words can say and there will always be an empty space. I have taken many life lessons from gymnastics and I believe I still live my life with an athlete's mentality. This was brought up to me by one of the students, which was enlightening. It made me happy to hear that the way I presented my story and my attitude towards "conquering" EDS shows the motivation, determination, and even stubbornness that I always brought out to the competition floor. Nothing and no one will defeat me. While gymnastics was who I am, and will forever be a huge part of my life, whether that be as a spectator or an eventual coach, EDS has helped me realize who I am now, and who I want to be in the future.

USA National TOPs Team 1999 (9 years old)

USA National TOPs Team 2000 (10 years old)

Thank you to the students in the class for listening to my story. I hope you were able to take something from it. Thank you Heather for inviting me speak. It really was a privilege.

 You can't always decide what happens to you, but you can decide how you react!