What has EDS taken from me?

Life with chronic illness can be cruel. In the blink of an eye your life changes. You are forced to reevaluate your life, your goals, your dreams. It takes away all control and predictability. You question why this is happening but ultimately have to accept that life is different than you had envisioned and you have to find a way to adapt to the changes and find a way to move forward and live despite your illness(es).

Here are the Top 3 things EDS and chronic illness have taken from me:

#1 Nursing- The biggest thing EDS has taken from me is the ability to work as a nurse. Due to the unpredictability and unstable nature of my health (at this point), I am unable to work in a clinical capacity as a nurse. Unfortunately, my health declined before I was able to gain experience, which would have opened more doors for me in nursing that may have been more feasible with my health. I hope to one day find a role in nursing as I feel my personal experiences have provided me with a perspective most do not have, but the loss of my dream (in the way in which I had envisioned) is difficult. I continue to keep my license active, my continuing education courses up to date, in the hopes that my health improves to the point where I can find a role in nursing.

#2 Financial Stability- I am 28 years old and I am financially dependent on my mom. While it never escapes me how lucky I am to have a supportive family, I want to be able to support myself and live on my own. That is not my reality, however. It is very difficult to look towards my future without any idea of when or if I will ever be able to support myself.

#3 Ability to Plan- I have said this many times before but chronic illness is unpredictable. Because of this unpredictability, it is very difficult to plan for things too far in advance. For someone who likes to plan (me) and have control, this is frustrating. I don't know how I will feel 5 minutes from now, so it is impossible to know where my health will be in 1 week, 1 month, or 1 year from now. I also feel guilty when I do plan something with friends or family and then I have to cancel or change plans because my health is not stable enough or I am in the middle of a flare. I want to be the type of person that can just get up and go...but that is so far from my reality.

Years ago when I created this blog, my motto became, "you can't always decide what happens to you, but you can decide how you react." This quote still holds true today. It's not perfect. It's not always that easy. But I do my best to remember this.